A chapter from a book I'm writing
“Erm…there’s something I was meaning to tell you, Veena…,” I said. Things were finally being set into motion. My relationship with Veena was at a cross-road. What was going to ensue would either herald the beginning of a whole new life with Veena, my friend ever since I entered the fast life of the corporate world with its short term relations, or bring our friendship crashing down onto god’s green earth.
We were sitting in the spacious sitting area of the café coffee day outlet inside campus; I having a hot chocolate while Veena was having her usual fruit shake with ice-cream. She was looking really great today, not that she didn’t look great every day, but there was a special radiance about her today and she was looking terrific in her bright red churidhar. Veena looked up with curiosity and a mock-playfulness in her eyes. “Oh, God!!! That look will be the end of me…,” I thought, “…hope I get to see it even after today”.
“…I think you must have been expecting this to happen sooner or later…,” I continued without looking into her face, which mirrored most of her emotions. “…the truth of the matter is…erm…I love you!!!” I looked up at her face and the expression of shock and being betrayed on her face broke my heart. To her I was just a good friend and I had broken a cardinal rule by falling in love with her. I had kept my love for her hidden and had masqueraded as her friend…become privy to things she would never had told me had she known I was in love with her…I had let her down and it was written all over her face.
“Why did you do this, Adi??”
There were several reasons that I wanted to tell her…what she meant to me, what I wanted to become for her, what I was willing to do for her…but the look of irritation and sadness written all over her face silenced me. I decided to make my explanation short…so as to not prolong her agony.
“I did this because I didn’t want to loose you. I wanted you in my life in some way or the other…as a friend or otherwise,” I replied.“You had me as a friend, Adi…then why did you ruin everything right now by saying you loved me??” Veena asked. I looked into her eyes and replied “Don’t blame me for falling in love with you. And as a friend, I just couldn’t continue lying to you. Is it really that hard to understand? I don’t see how things between us have got ruined…I’m not forcing you to love me, am I? The ball’s in your court now, Veena. You can decide what’s to become of our relationship. I’m sorry I hurt you… I was just…just trying to make this last forever. That’s all!!!
”Veena got up. “I’m leaving Aditya”, and she walked away without turning back. I watched her leave wondering if this was the last thing I’ll have to remember about her…her just leaving without even a good-bye, without her smile.
As the sun set, plunging the world into twilight, my life was already in darkness.
We were sitting in the spacious sitting area of the café coffee day outlet inside campus; I having a hot chocolate while Veena was having her usual fruit shake with ice-cream. She was looking really great today, not that she didn’t look great every day, but there was a special radiance about her today and she was looking terrific in her bright red churidhar. Veena looked up with curiosity and a mock-playfulness in her eyes. “Oh, God!!! That look will be the end of me…,” I thought, “…hope I get to see it even after today”.
“…I think you must have been expecting this to happen sooner or later…,” I continued without looking into her face, which mirrored most of her emotions. “…the truth of the matter is…erm…I love you!!!” I looked up at her face and the expression of shock and being betrayed on her face broke my heart. To her I was just a good friend and I had broken a cardinal rule by falling in love with her. I had kept my love for her hidden and had masqueraded as her friend…become privy to things she would never had told me had she known I was in love with her…I had let her down and it was written all over her face.
“Why did you do this, Adi??”
There were several reasons that I wanted to tell her…what she meant to me, what I wanted to become for her, what I was willing to do for her…but the look of irritation and sadness written all over her face silenced me. I decided to make my explanation short…so as to not prolong her agony.
“I did this because I didn’t want to loose you. I wanted you in my life in some way or the other…as a friend or otherwise,” I replied.“You had me as a friend, Adi…then why did you ruin everything right now by saying you loved me??” Veena asked. I looked into her eyes and replied “Don’t blame me for falling in love with you. And as a friend, I just couldn’t continue lying to you. Is it really that hard to understand? I don’t see how things between us have got ruined…I’m not forcing you to love me, am I? The ball’s in your court now, Veena. You can decide what’s to become of our relationship. I’m sorry I hurt you… I was just…just trying to make this last forever. That’s all!!!
”Veena got up. “I’m leaving Aditya”, and she walked away without turning back. I watched her leave wondering if this was the last thing I’ll have to remember about her…her just leaving without even a good-bye, without her smile.
As the sun set, plunging the world into twilight, my life was already in darkness.
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